Q. What am I going to do with these postcards?

A. Smear them with butter and toast them. Make little miniature paper airplanes out of them. Papercut your inner thigh. OR . . . be a genius and send them to your friends. Send them to your enemies. Send them to your mom. With embarrassing messages on the front, these postcards will horrify and mortify as they travel to your recipient. Every person along the way will get to see the embarrassing message, which you can exacerbate by writing your own personal supplemental messages on the back!

Q. Do I put a normal stamp on these?

A. What the fuck do I look like? The post office? Sigh. Okay, you lazy fucker, fine. You only need a 26 cent stamp. Unless you strap a brick of heroin to it when you mail it. Then you should ask someone.

Q. Do you really think your postcards are funny?

A. Do you really think you look good in that tube top? Do you really think that seeing that part of your ass cheeks hanging down from the back of your shorts is something any of us want?

Q. Can I submit an idea for an embarrassing postcard?

A. Absolutely! If you think your genius postcard idea is enough to meet the exacting standards of Postcard Hell, use the “Contact” link and submit your idea via email. If we use your idea, we’ll send you a 4-pack for free! That’s all you’re getting, too. So fuck off.

Q. How are the postcards made?

A. Well, when a mommy postcard loves a daddy postcard very much, they get together in a sweaty postcard mess, and then little baby postcards are made! Oh, the real answer? Currently, the postcards are printed in full color on an HP Officejet 5510 Color Inkjet Printer on Avery 8383 5.5″ X 4.25″ White Glossy Postcard Templates. They’re not as thick as cardstock, but they’re sufficient. If demand increases, we’ll upgrade to professional printing and thicker weight paper. And we’ll increase the cost by about 200%, too.

Q. What if my question isn’t answered here?

A. Write it on a piece of paper, fold it 8 times, seal it with a kiss, and your question will be answered that night in your dreams. You can also use the “Contact” link if you’re a lazy fucker.

Q. Can I sue you if my wife divorces me for the postcard?

A. No. These are designed as gag postcards. You are solely responsible for any repercussions from mailing them, giving them, eating them, fucking them, or anything else you’re doing with them. It’s called assumption of risk, people. If you send it to your brother-in-law, and he gets mad that people think he’s a tranny and beats your face in, you probably deserved it.